The first weeks of nursery are a big step for a small child — and often for their parents too. Tears at the gate are common and usually short-lived. With a calm, predictable routine and some patience, most children settle happily within a few weeks.
Why settling in takes time
For a three-year-old, nursery is a new building, new adults, new children, new sounds and a new rhythm to the day — all without a parent close by. Children build trust in a new place gradually, through repeated experiences of being cared for and being collected again. Settling is not a single event; it is a process that unfolds over days and weeks.
Some children walk in on day one without looking back and then feel unsettled in week three when the novelty wears off. Others cry for several mornings and then suddenly skip in. Both patterns are completely normal.
Before the first day
- Talk about school in simple, positive terms. “At school you will play, sing and have snack with your friends, and I will come back after lunch.”
- Visit together if you can. Seeing the classroom, the washroom and the play area in advance makes them familiar.
- Practise small independence skills. Opening a lunch box, drinking from a bottle, putting on shoes and asking for the toilet.
- Shift the sleep routine early. Move bedtime and wake-up time towards the school schedule a week or two before school begins.
- Read a picture book about starting school. Stories give children words for their feelings.
The goodbye matters most
A short, warm and confident goodbye is kinder than a long one. Say the same simple words each day — “Have a lovely morning. I’ll see you after story time” — give a hug and leave. Lingering, returning or slipping away without saying goodbye usually makes separation harder, because children learn that the parting is uncertain.
Children take their cue from us. A calm goodbye tells them: this is a safe place, and I trust the people here.
If your child is upset as you leave, it is natural to feel worried. Most children calm down within a few minutes of their parent leaving. Teachers will let you know how the morning went, and you are always welcome to call the school office.
After school: what to expect
Many young children are tired, hungry or tearful after school in the first weeks. They have spent hours “holding it together” in a new environment. Offer a snack, some quiet time and a cuddle before asking questions. Instead of “What did you do today?”, try specific prompts: “Who did you sit with at snack time?” or “What song did you sing?”
Some children temporarily regress — wanting to be carried, having toilet accidents or sleeping poorly. This usually passes as they settle. Keep home routines steady and predictable.
How the school helps
In the early years at Arkaas, the first weeks focus on belonging before academics. Teachers learn each child’s name, likes and signals quickly. The day follows a predictable pattern of greeting, circle time, play, snack, story and outdoor time, so children know what comes next. Teachers share how each child is settling and suggest small adjustments where needed.
When to talk to the teacher
Speak to your child’s teacher if distress continues without improvement after four to six weeks, if your child seems unwell or withdrawn at home, or if something specific is worrying them. Share anything important about your child — a new sibling, a house move, a fear of loud sounds — so the teacher can support them better.
A gentle reminder for parents
It is completely normal to feel emotional about this milestone. Look after yourself too. Talk to other parents at pick-up, trust the process and celebrate small wins: the first time your child mentions a friend’s name, the first painting brought home, the first morning without tears.
If your child is starting nursery soon, our Early Years page explains how the first years work at Arkaas, and you are welcome to visit the classrooms before admission.
Teachers and school leaders at Arkaas Vignan School. Our articles share practical guidance for families; for advice about your own child, please speak with their class teacher.
